The Scale Of Love – Jean Antoine Watteau

With my research and listening skills being a little more attuned of late, I realise that so many people have issues on a day to day basis, (back to my story of the monkey on your shoulder).  I have realised that I most definitely suffer from depression and loneliness, and it is just something that you never discuss, because why should I be depressed and for goodness sake, what makes an outgoing person lonely?  These two monkeys are not always present, but they certainly track me down just when I think I am shot of them.  These goons keep following me, Depression has a firm grip on my shoulder and Loneliness harangues me with his interrogation.

With a lifelong history of moving, I now know that it is the uncertainty for a while that unhinges me.  So as much as I am excited at new opportunities, I have always just craved the simplicity of a stable home which I lost at 17 and don’t seem to have established since. With my packing behind me now I do know that I have one mighty “move” talent and that is that I can make friends with anybody.  I can make friends with the dead.  So when people ask me with quizzical looks on their faces “Do you have friends in your new spot?” and I shake my head no, thinking to myself, but I will….

I read a fascinating story, quite a few years ago and I unfortunately can’t remember who wrote if, about how the scales of love change in a relationship.  Most times, when a couple choose to be one, there is always one party that “loves more.” In this particular book, the wife had always loved more, and knew it, and after going through a tremendously rough time, and an indiscretion by him, the balance changed, and the bewilderment of the spouse who had suddenly “lost” the balance was quite profound, as he had always in essence had the upper hand.  In no way am I advocating that either party have the upper hand, rather a sharing of strengths, but this power is very subtle and I believe very prevalent.  The person who loves more, gives more, and is probably happy being that person.  The same applies to deep friendships, there comes a time, where you suddenly realise that the scales are equal and you are together and bound for the long haul and even if the scale tilts, it will revert.

And so as I seem to battle on this path of huge ups and downs, I was struck down profoundly this weekend with the peace that I am absolutely loved and adored.  The scale of love equalised for me. Home is where the heart is after all.

“Dal centro della mia vita venne una grande fontana..” “From the centre of my life, there came a great fountain.”  “L’amor che move il sole el altre stella”  “The love that moves the sun and other stars.”

Shenanigans is loved.  It is enough.